I’m at that point where I just want to hit someone. I don’t really care who you are anymore. I want to just fucking hit SOME of the people that I know. Just to slap some sense into them. Just to snap them back into reality. A lot of people are fucking annoying as shit now. They’re either full of themself, controlling, and just straight up irritating. I always have the urge to hit someone. I just don’t do it to prevent problems.

I feel like people get more annoying as each day passes.
I will always end up being the ugly friend.
I don’t mean to sound rude or anything but I just don’t care.

I get so disappointed when I think about the fact that a lot of the cute famous guys are 18 or older. I’m just sitting here like,”Why couldn’t I be born earlier?!?!?!” D:

Me needing to find new friends? I’ve had a lot of people tell me that today. And it seems like its true. Honestly like I’m almost to the point where I’m done. Like I’m not blind. I see things and watch it happen. From what people tell me and what they notice, its attention you want. Now you see, I try not to say anything but everyday theres a reason for me to somehow listen to them. Maybe they are right. I’m only still here because I still care. Obviously if I didn’t care, I would’ve been long gone. This time, you’ll know exactly how I felt. Almost everything. It seems like you don’t care anymore about you and me. So if you really do, say something. Don’t fucking have other people do it for you. At this point, I don’t care if you see this.

Like honestly why the fuck do the judges of ABDC keep saving Fanny Pak?!?! They’ve been in the bottom and I’m pretty sure other crews are better than them. RNG got saved as well as Fanny Pak. Why? It seems like the judges are trying to keep them in the competition. IN MY OPINION, Fanny Pak should’ve just gone home. But thats my opinion.You don’t have to agree with it.

Things have only become more awkward.
I’m done trying. So its either you show that you still care or we end it here.

This is directed to a certain person but not mentioning any names.

So you see I’m in a phase of always feeling lonely but physically I’m not. I have that feeling everyday. You tell me that it’ll get better and that it’ll soon go away. No just no. I’m literally fucking done because you saying that its gonna get better is only making it worse. I feel like nothing to you now. I feel like I’m just another fucking person that you met. I honestly feel like I’m ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS your second option when you have no one else. Thats why I started hanging out with someone else. When I started hanging out with someone else, I felt much happier because I felt accepted for once. I felt relieved and truly happy for fucking once. I’m your second option, I understand. You don’t have to tell me because I see it. I’m so fucking tired of willing to take time out of my day to help you with anything but other than that, you’d barely talk to me because you have other people to worry about. Everytime I tell you something that I’m feeling, especially when they’re negative thoughts, I feel like you don’t want to help me. I feel like you just feel sorry for me. Honestly all I’m saying is, what is happening now? Whats going to happen? And is this going to be my cause to reach my breaking point and just lose myself?

Thats right. I hope you fucking see this because I’m just fucking tired. I regret fucking nothing with writing this.

Have fun because I’m about to put you through what you made me go through before just so you know exactly how it feels.
Vent.

See I try separating my feelings into separate posts on Tumblr but now its just about to get to far if I keep going. As I write/type my feelings into a post, I get more irritated with every word written. I’m almost at that point where I can just yell at someone, put people on blast, and just lose myself. For once, overthinking hasn’t led me to sadness, no, this time it has led me to anger. And that anger can one day just come out. It may be today, tomorrow, or anytime. Hoping that I’m around the right people when it happens is crucial because I feel like no one is there and no one will understand. I get angrier and angrier every time this happens and its just a matter of time. Its just a matter of time when the person that I never wanted to become comes out. I never imagined of becoming this type of person ever in my life time. As days pass, I feel like I’m getting closer to that person that I never wanted to become. I have no control. So close. So close.

I’m tired of people just using me.

Its like I’m just your second option when you have no one else. You come to me when no one else can help you because you know that I will help you. Well you know what? Just because I’m nice doesn’t mean that you can just do that to me. For the type of person that I am, I can tell if I’m just a second option to you even if you’re not making it show.

I hate how I’m always the one getting fucked over in a friendship.
Doubts.

Everyday I start doubting myself more and more. I don’t even know why. The feeling of not being successful lingers in my mind longer than usual. The feeling of being lonely is coming back. The feeling of not being good enough is coming back. Everything. All the negatives are comin back and I don’t know why. I don’t even know what to do right now.